Official Fanfiction Summer Camp Programme: The SCP Foundation
by Ryin-silverfish
Summary: Four dream people will teach Foundation fanfiction writers not to write Sloppy, Crappy, and Pornographic stories…...and none are close to sane. Well, at least they were right about one thing: it sucks to live in a reality as fragile as tissue paper. （An Official Fanfiction University Parody, rebooted）
1. Chapter 1: It is all just a dream!

**Disclaimer: Official Fanfiction University belongs to Miss Cam. Various SCPs mentioned belong to their respective authors on SCP wiki. Containment Breach Game is created by Regalis, and credit goes to (The Great and Loveable) SunnyClockwork for creating the GOI Balls comic.**

 **I don't own any of the above.**

* * *

 _-Oneiroi is an awesome part of Foundation-verse. Those that say otherwise can violate themselves with 297 on its highest setting._

 _-CHILDISH._

 _-Where do all these GOI balls come from? I believe that not many people will have their subconscious avatars as balls in a satirical parody comic, except for one particular individual._

 _-That's not corporeal or free consciousness, oaf. It's non-con, dream elements!_

* * *

School was hell. Life was shitty. And Virginia wondered if it was because she spent her math lessons daydreaming about various ships than actually listening as she faced her C-ridden grade reports.

But she wondered only briefly, because she managed to drown out the sorrow with five hours of internet and Deviantart. After all, she had fanfiction to write, even in her darkest times.

Of course, "darkest time" referred to the past period when her Creepypasta OCs were flamed by haters who kept throwing stupid insults like "Mary Sue" and "Emo" into the review section. Those people just didn't have a heart, right? They called a girl whose family was brutally murdered when she was only three years old, raised by a bunch of Creepypasta monsters "whiny." It was just cruel, so she had to defend herself.

Burying her face in her knees, Virginia sighed, before reaching out to grab the laptop that was dangerously tilting on the edge of her bed. Its screen was already cracked at the corner when she threw the bag with her brick-thick English textbooks inside on top of it; she did not want to further abuse the poor computer.

All those people, pretending to be so clever and tearing stories she was so proud of apart…...that's why she found the SCP Fandom to be a better place. At least the fans were fewer, and it had the exact same atmosphere, being a horror game!

The moment she stumbled upon Markiplier's video on the game, she fell in love with it, despite being scared shitless by the Sculpture and Old Man. The best SCP was of course, 049, and gosh, his voice was so sexy that she could get high on his gentle British accent…

Grinning, she picked up her new laptop, and started typing.

 **Y/N is the only female scientist in Site-[REDACTED], who can also be a MTF agent due to her fighting skill. What will happen when the mysterious Plegue Doctor (SPC-049, if you dunno) encounters such a beautiful young woman with a tragic past?**

Of course, that was just the summary for her 049 X Reader story. There would be so much more to write about this story! Like her first day at the site, and the heart-wrenching discovery about her being depressed, and how 049 fell love at first sight when she was assigned to interview him…..

 **Y/N pout unhappily as you walked into the big white building. You are only in this science place because your step-mother convinced Director [EXPUNGED] to give you a job…...and you HATES them. They never understand you, no one will, well….except for her pet dogs…...**

Sniffing, Virginia swept the candy wrappers on her bedsheet off onto the floor, and continued. One good thing about living in a dorm was that she no longer had to listen to her mother's ranting about keeping her room neat. That was to say, if her bitchy roommate last year didn't complain to the student dean and force her to clean up everything.

She brushed her fringe to the side. Every good love story needed a villain, and who could be better suited for this role than her heartless control freak of an ex-roommate and that stupid dean?

That's right, she would add a preppy, whiny researcher who wanted to break apart the TRUE LOVE between her character and 049 because of some silly rules, and the bad MTF leader-slash-Chaos-something spy who supported her!

 **What's even worse is that your mortal enemy, (e/n), who has been a cheerleader btich that bullied you since high school and laugh at you for being emo without knowing that you are depressed, is also working in the same site. This place still fascinate you, and you want to be friend with all the SCPs, but…...**

Virginia started a typing spree as she assaulted the keyboard with a series of clicks. Her reader insert character was an unhappy, depressed person who got panic attacks, just like her; well, maybe without the panic attack part. How she wished she could have really bad anxiety problems, so people would actually care about her for once instead of treating her like another antisocial freak.

But no worries, because 049 would fall in love with her character at first sight, and protect her with the most tender love ever known to man, because they were soul mates, and she was the only person immune to his deadly touches!

Giggling, she wrote even faster, a mad fervency burning inside her eyes. Before long, the first chapter was done, and she opened her Wattpad account, ready to post her best work as of now-

The moment her finger pressed down on the mouse, everything on her screen disappeared into a pitch black. Virginia frowned; did her computer decide to leave this miserable mortal coil for Electronic Heaven…...and break down at the shittiest moment possible?

She almost fell off her bed in shock when a purple triangular symbol appeared in the center of the screen. Right in the middle of that symbol was a tree, or an eye; a dark orb, in the middle of this white tree, was casting an eerie gaze at her.

Without any warning, it came straight out of the screen, and lunged towards her face. Her scream was choked in her throat as the surrounding room fell into a fragmented, churning mess of colors and shapes. An excruciating sensation, as if her brain was whacked by a chainsaw, or thrown into a blender before being set on fire, seized her mind-

Then everything faded to an empty blank.

* * *

How would a piece of tissue paper feel if it was used to wipe someone's snot, torn apart, and glued back together by some mysterious forces?

That was the exact state of mind Virginia was in, from the moment she regained consciousness.

She could not feel anything, all her senses blacked out. Only a godawful headache and some voices, whispering incoherent words that made zero sense remained. What in the world just happened, she had no idea, but holy mother of god, if she was she dying or dead now-

 _Greetings, young lady._

As the familiar, sexy British accent rang through the darkness, the pain suddenly went away, and Virginia yelped as a bright light entered her eyes. Squeezing her eyes tightly in discomfort, she blinked before she started looking at her surroundings, propping herself up with one arm while she looked around.

She was in a white concrete room, clean and simplistic, just like those in the CB game. She gasped when she spotted the three-arrow Foundation logo on the door, near the observation window. This could not be real. The game was fictional, no matter how she wished for it to be real, and being teleported into a fictional world only happened to bad fanfiction OCs, right?

But it did not feel like a dream. She could feel the cold floor, smell the scent of disinfectant in the air. Shakily standing up, she glanced across the room, and her jaw dropped as she saw the figure in the black robe, sitting in the corner.

It turned towards her, eyes concealed in the shadow of its porcelain-white plague doctor mask.

"H-Hello?" She stuttered. This felt way too surreal, seeing her most favorite character of all time, just in front of her. But damn, if this was a dream, she better not wake up anytime soon. On second thought, if it was a dream and she was deemed to have the "disease", she wouldn't really die even after being touched…...right?

Her hands trembled as she thought of those zombies in the game, all those bloodied, gutted guards that shambled towards D-9341 in the Let's Play videos.

The humanoid figure did not reply; it simply walked closer, without a word. Instinctively, Virginia moved back, step by step, until her head bumped into the metal door, and she realized that she could not retreat any further.

"Oh gosh, uh, I, I r-really, um…..." Desperately searching for words, Virginia shivered, her legs shaking uncontrollably as the anomaly continued to walk towards her; she could see its grey, lifeless eyes behind the beaked mask. Contradictory to her writing, it was not full of love or any heartwarming emotions.

"I-I'm n-not…..." Panicking, she stuttered even harder and squirmed, pressing herself tightly onto the metal surface behind, before she realized that they were now only a few feet apart. All escape routes were blocked in this small room; even if the door behind her could be opened, she would not have enough time to run before being grabbed.

Its gloved hand reached out, and her eyes widened, like a cornered prey about to face its demise. In the face of the incoming, and likely painful death, all squishy fangirl feelings towards a certain good doctor vanished without a trace.

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

She shrieked with all her strength, and closed her eyes as her right wrist was grabbed. That was it, her short, unsatisfying life would end in a few minutes-

 _Do not be afraid, love. I do not sense the Pestilence in you._

The soothing, calm voice snapped her out of the panic. Opening her eyes again, she stared at the figure in front of her, then at her right hand, before realizing that she was indeed, not dead. She was…...actually immune to his deadly touches?

The moment this realization shone through her mind like a brilliant firework, Virginia squealed like a five-year-old, and jumped into the air. She was just like her character…...only that she got to actually meet the sexy British Bird-doctor, and oh god, maybe she could have the first and only romance she needed in her life!

She closed her eyes in sheer ecstasy, and lunged towards the plague doctor in a crushing hug.

However, instead of the gentle embrace of the tall humanoid, what welcomed her was a slimy mass of tentacles and meat in its place.

She jolted and immediately drew back, her stomach churning as she felt some of the slime getting into her mouth.

The room around them turned into a barren landscape of ice and snow, and she gasped in sheer horror as fleshy tendrils curled around her arms. She tried to break free, but these things were insanely strong; behind the writhing tentacles, many eyes blinked at her on what could only be described as a cancerous blob of tumor.

It pulled her closer and closer. The membrane on its surface burst, exposing faces beneath that were still vaguely human, mouths opening and closing, each of their pained gasps spitting a rain of saliva and sticky blood onto her body.

She screamed with an intensity that would make 1048-A cry in shame.

* * *

"You know, you can really stop screaming right now."

The star-shaped thing with two blank eyes rolled past her for the third time, and, covered in stinking mucus, she ignored it and continued shrieking her lungs out in despair.

"I mean, 610 is disturbing, but even the guy who kissed a cut-up Ronald Reagan didn't scream half as loud as you! Ah, fanbrat lust and despair is tasty, but it gets bland after awhile." It chirped, and floated up in the air.

"Y-You don't know…...tentacles, oh god tentacles, I-I'm not even into hentai, sweet Jesus….." Virginia shivered, hugging her knees even tighter as the nauseating sensation of multiple tendrils caressing her torso flashed back.

"Of course I know. I made you go through all of that." In an ever cheerful and annoying tone, the star-shaped thing whizzed right past her face, dispersing a mist of shiny dust in the air.

"The fuck?" She frowned, and stood up to face the weird being.

"You fangirls won't know the meaning of disgust until you have a taste of your own medicine." It sneered, and if it had a mouth, Virginia was sure that it would be smirking.

"What? Y-You little shit! "

A scorchingly hot sensation rose within her core, burning away whatever little bit of sanity she had after all the suffering she went through. With a yell, she punched at the star-shaped thing with all her strength, only to have her fist phasing right through its form. Losing her balance, she fell onto the ground with a surprised yelp, slamming her face against the hard surface underneath.

She groaned, feeling blood rushing out of her nose. Turning her face to the side, she glanced up, and found the star-shaped thing looking down at her, its eyes rolling in disdain.

"C'mon, really?"

"Fuck you," she gritted her teeth, and only managed to squeeze out a few word from her throat. "Why do you do this?"

"Kinda because you are an awful fanfiction writer. Yeah, I know it sounds unfair, like having your favorite cake presented to you, only having it swapped with a steaming pile of excrement at the last moment." It hummed, before continuing its nonchalant speech.

"But have you ever considered how you have been treating the characters, and the universe they originated from? You are gods to them. Even your typos can make their life hell. Except for the character you spoiled as your fictional avatar."

"It's fanfiction, so I can write whatever I want!" She retorted in indignation. This thing was being such an asshole just because she wrote something for fun? It was the only comfort she had when she was depressed!

"If you think so, you aren't a good writer. But it's not my job to teach you how to face criticism, since at least ¾ of the time, I'm offline." it paused. "Now, let me start the actual explanation."

"First, where are you? In a dream. Yes, it is all just a dream!" It laughed, and Virginia's eyes lit up upon hearing it.

"Oh. Can I wake up yet?" She asked, desperately hoping that it was just a really, really bizarre nightmare. She would climb up from her bed tomorrow, Saturday morning, and continue her story as per normal.

"Nope. I will decide when."

Her heart sank upon hearing the reply. So she was going to be trapped in an eternal sleep with this annoying star-shaped thing…...who could seemly shape dreams at will?

"But there is one way you can get out. It is just that you won't be able to write SCP fanfictions anymore, after you wake up. When you log into your writing profile, you'd end up deleting the account." As if reading her thoughts, the being added, "no matter how many new accounts you create."

Damn. She really couldn't cheat her way out of this.

"In fact, if you type a Foundation-related story with the intention to post it online, it will become incoherent word salad the moment you start, and you will forget what you are doing halfway through the writing."

With a pop, it summoned a green, star-shaped stone, and sent it flying into her palm.

"Just hold this stone and say a few words with me; you will complete the Geas, and immediately wake up." The star-shaped thing cajoled, "but you won't want to give up writing stories forever, as a true Foundation fan, right?"

"Of course not!" She fumed, throwing the stone back at it. The object visibly slowed in its flight, before grinding to a halt, and just floated there in mid-air.

"Then you are choosing the alternative." It replied.

"What is it, then?" She inquired. Even if it would not be pleasant, she still wished to continue all her work, no matter what, and if this star-thing thought it could scare her into submission, then fuck it!

"Join the Official Fanfiction Summer Camp Programme. The OFSCP. In three months, you will learn all about the SCP Universe, inside a dream-scape that is close to a real Foundation site. Upon completion, you won't be a shitty writer anymore."

"Three months? Wait, you mean I'm going to be asleep for three months? That's ridiculous! They would think I fell into a coma or something!" She protested. Going through whatever hell that awaited her in a weird dream, only to wake up in some hospital bed was not a pleasant image.

"Nope, time passes faster, or slower in dreams. Three months inside our collective would at most equal to seven hours in physical world. You would just wake up next morning when the course finishes."

"Alright, I accept." She huffed, and confidently declared, "it is just a game. I won't need to learn much, anyway."

The star-thing sighed, a sense of defeat in its voice. "You really know nothing, do you, Virginia Johnson? Come and fill this form."

A pen and a piece of paper just appeared in front of her, out of nowhere, and she started reading.

* * *

"What kind of dumb questions are these?" Virginia cursed, furiously scratching down a row of I don't fucking knows onto multiple questions in the Universe Knowledge section. Once she passed the first four questions, it descended into a confusing mess that she had never seen in any Let's Plays of the Containment Breach game.

"This is what the real Foundation is like, the writing site that the CB game is based on." The star-thing, humming a weird but rather beautiful tune, stopped and answered her. "Having troubles with all the GOI questions?"

"What's that? Like, I only know Chaos Insurgency, the bad guys that appeared in the Gate A ending!" She yelled back, exasperated at the difficulty of the questions.

"Well, you aren't the only one. In fact, I'm really disappointed that all of my GOI questions seem to have the least number of correct answers compared to others!" The star-thing frowned….or made the facial expression closest to a frown, with only two eyes.

"Oh, so you came up with these. No wonder." Virginia commented, rolling her eyes at the thing before turning back to the form. "By the way, what the hell are you?"

"You mean my current form, or my true nature?" It asked, tilting its body slightly with a teasing tone.

"Whatever." She grumbled.

"I'm an Oneiroi, more specifically, a Corporeal one. Taking the form of a GOI Ball." It answered, before making a 360-degree turn in the air.

"I have no idea what that is." Grunting, she wrote down a huge RUN LIKE HELL on one of the questions about some SCP she never read before.

If an SCP did not appear in the game, why would anyone bother to read it anyway? It was probably not good enough. Virginia mentally nodded at her logic.

"Can't blame you. Oneiroi is a really obscure group, and Sunny hasn't updated her comics for quite some time." Noticing her confusion, the…...GOI Ball added, "you will know what I mean when I teach Groups of Interest 101."

So this sadistic star-thing would be her teacher. Great. She could not wait for the marvelous future ahead.

 **[By signing this form, you have waived away all personal rights and freedom willingly to OFSCP personnel. You will be subjected to a three-month summer camp as a D-class personnel, and agree to accept all susceptible risks in the camp, including but not limited to: verbal, mental, and emotional abuse, physical harm, death, insanity, [DATA EXPUNGED], exposure to memetic material, cognitohazard effects and multiple Euclid and Keter class objects (all just a dream, of course), donating 2% of your Ghostian Doots (0.0007 Solar Years) to Oneiroi Collective every day, and 27 of WAFFLES & BACON to Oneiroi West. Your everyday clothing, diet and activities will be controlled by OFSCP personnel, and by signing this form, you indicate no objections over this. ]**

 **Signed: Silvy Silverfish**

 **Course-Coordinator**

 **CAPTAIN PUGILISM , Tse Kin Chang, and SCPersonificator**

 **Faculty Manager**

 **Your Signature: Virginia Johnson**

Virginia gave up trying to read the fine-print after five minutes of futile attempt. Sure, when something was written in almost invisibly small letters, it usually meant that this was a fishy contract, and she had to read it carefully…...but all she could make out was [DATA EXPUNGED].

It was always the [DATA EXPUNGED]. Ah, the signature phrase of Foundation.

"I'm done." Passing the form back to that GOI Ball, she heaved a sigh of relief. This form was painfully long, almost like one of those English quizzes at school that she barely managed to pass, and to finally get this over with was probably the best thing that happened to her this wretched day.

"Alright, see ya'. Just close your eyes, and have a good, long sleep."

Sending the piece of paper away with a blink, the star-shaped GOI Ball sped up into a burst of glittering green light, and vanished into the dark void that surrounded them. The moment it disappeared, all the light went out; Virginia found the solid ground beneath her suddenly gone.

With a yelp, she fell down, into the endless darkness, and her consciousness soon blacked out.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **This is a rebooted version of my original story, which has major aspects I'm unhappy with, especially the world-building part. In fact, it is almost cringe-inducing, looking at it now.**

 **You can say that the rebooted version has many more obscure references in it; hard not to when the world setting changed from "SCPersonifications teaching under two self-righteous people who somehow pulled this thing off" to "Four Oneirois, entities that live in dreams, pulling fanfiction authors into a small, but uber-real dream world for their education."**

 **My GOI Obsession has grown too much, I know.**

 **As always, you can submit students for the story via Private Message by filling out the form provided in this chapter. I would be making up most of the students anyway, but if you want to add your fangirl/fanboy into OFSCP, it is also fine.**

 **Application Form Rebooted:**

 **Names:**

 **Genders:**

 **Ages:**

 **Appearances:**

 **Races:**

 **[We do not accept any races other than baseline human, unless you can provide evidence (from articles and tales) that the race of your choice exists in Foundation-verse; still, it will be judged with great caution, and accepted on a case-by-case basis.]**

 **Weapons:**

 **Your favourite SCP objects or Foundation personnel:**

 **Do you lust after any of them:**

 **Your least favourite SCP objects or Foundation personnel:**

 **If you could be a Foundation personnel, what job would you take? (Researcher, MTF officer, etc.)**

 **Universe Knowledge:**

 **-How many SCP articles have you read?**

 **-Please write out the numbers of all the Keter-class SCPs you remember, as many as possible.**

 **-What is the difference between Security Clearance Level and Personnel Classification?**

 **-Explain the meanings of Safe, Euclid and Keter.**

 **-What is memetic?**

 **-Have you read anything from the Guide Hub on Foundation wiki?**

 **-What do Type Green, Type Red and Type Grey refer to, and which Group of Interest in the Foundation universe uses them?**

 **-What are the three branches of the Church of the Broken God? State their differences if possible.**

 **-Where is the base of the Serpent's Hand located at? Bonus for methods of entry.**

 **-Do you recognize any of the following names: L.S, Nobody, Doctor Wondertainment, Robert Bumaro, Grand Karcist Ion? Bonus for descriptions of each.**

 **-What is Chaos Insurgency's true origin? Which orientation discussed it?**

 **-Prime Minister Sinister threatens to harm you. What should you do?**

 **-Can the "Telekill" Alloy protect you from memetic influences?**

 **-How long will it take before SCP-1548 finally reaches Earth?**

 **-Clef and Kondraki's duel in Site-17 was about which SCP? What happened to it in the end? Who did it?**

 **-What is the difference between black chocolate and white chocolate? Explain using examples from the Foundation.**

 **-What do Object Classes Explained, Joke, Neutralized, and Archived mean?**

 **-Can Slenderman/Game characters/Anime characters be SCPs? Give reasons for your answer.**

 **-What are the types of SCPs that are the most difficult to write? Why?**

 **Writings and Fandoms**

 **-Have you ever shipped SCPs or Foundation personnel before? What pairings?**

 **-Do the pairings you ship actually have interactions, as stated in their respective articles?**

 **-Do you do SCP humanizations in your fanfictions?**

 **-Have you ever written SCP smut or lemons in any settings?**

 **-Have you written about Foundation personnel in your fanfictions?**

 **-Have you created crossovers involving the SCP Foundation? List the canons involved.**

 **-What GOIs have you written about, other than the SCP Foundation?**

 **-What type of stories do you create?**

 **-Is the Containment Breach Game canon?**

 **-List the inaccuracies commonly seen in fanarts and fanfictions about the SCP Foundation.**

 **-Do you know about Mary Sues and their natures, and have you ever written one?**

 **-Are you from a foreign branch of the SCP Foundation, like SCP-RU? Write down the branch you are from if applicable.**


	2. Chapter 2: The Art of Selachian Pugilism

_-ARE YOU A SELACHIAN ENTITY IF YOU ARE HUMAN BUT YOU CREATE SELACHIAN ENTITIES? I NEED TO KNOW, SO I CAN PUNCH THEM._

 _-yeh. maybe…...not._

 _-Okay, just punch those kids if they get too unruly, but try not to kill anyone._

* * *

In a middle-sized SCP facility, this would be the Site Director's office. At the moment, its building structure was still largely intact…...except for the huge holes in the wall, multiple white-colored balls with eyes and Foundation logos on their skin sorting documents on an impossibly large table, and a very, very pissed-off silverfish.

"For the love of Dr. Wondertainment, these brats are hopeless!" The giant, cartoonish-looking insect yelled, before turning to one of the balls, "where is Tse Kin, Foundation Ball #41?"

"Arranging the schedule for new arrivals." It answered in a monotone, before turning back to its work.

"Oh yeah, I remember. And your creator?"

The ball did not answer, but vibrated like a phone for several seconds, before its voice completely changed, into a cheerful, somewhat lazy female voice.

"SCPersonificator here, at your service. Luckily, I can log on today earlier because meat-world finally decided to give me a break." Its eyes squinted in an annoyingly happy expression, oblivious to the silverfish's unhappy mood.

"Corporeals like you are such a hassle." It sighed, and continued. "Since you are here, let's look through the forms, and tell me about your experience with these brats."

"Oh, racist, racist." The Foundation Ball teased, and turned to stare at the hole-ridden wall. "Did Punch do that?"

"Yes. After he caught twelve sharks in their writing, something inside him just snapped, and I didn't even ask him to sort application forms with me. He volunteered willingly!" With a light tap of its cerci, multiple documents rose into the air, all facing the insect.

"Uh, I kind of pity Tse Kin, having to teach a bunch of kids who can't even write their native language properly." Huffing, the Foundation Ball moved besides the document, and started reading together with its strange companion.

"She already has a plan. Real Foundation workers always have a backup plan, accompanied by tons of paperwork and constant ethic degradation!" The silverfish laughed, pointing its antennae towards a form on the left. "Look at this one. Her lust object is Gears."

With a somewhat awkward stare, the GOI Ball fell into silence for several seconds, before grinning slightly. "Britney, Ah. The 15-year-old who totally acts like a 22-year-old. Not so much when I switched Gears to Rights while she was groping him." It coughed, and continued.

"I can't wait to see her face when I tell her that Gears already has a daughter, and will always have a daughter in GOI-101. Remind me to use a Black Queen Ball avatar that day, just for the lulz."

It was about to throw the document into a random pile before an invisible force grabbed it in mid-air, and sorted it into another pile of papers.

"Okay, your job is just to offer commentary and insight on these fanbrats' natures, not sort papers. That pile is for people who, despite clear warning that we do not accept any races other than baseline human, unless they could use evidences to support that this race exists in Foundation-verse, wrote SCP as their damn race." The silverfish chided.

"Fine, fine. Actually, you know what SCP really stands for, right?" It winked, and let out a giggle.

"Special Containment Procedures. Methods and instructions used to maintain containment. I think making them into documents and sentient lockers is a great idea." Even as an insect with no facial expressions, it seemed happy at the suggestion, waving its antennae with slightly more enthusiasm.

"Indeed, Silvy. Maybe we could code their appearances using that generic SCP description from the Joke collection? Oh, look, this boy is twelve! Must have been Punch's shift that hour, I haven't met him." The Foundation Ball rolled its eyes, before turning to Silvy the insect again.

"Without doubt, this goes into the Only knows the CB Game and didn't even bother looking at anything other than Let's Plays pile, right?"

"Yeah, you see it again, throw it to the tallest pile. Out of around 200 applicants, at least ¼ belong to that category." Examining the document carefully, the silverfish heaved another long, deep sigh.

"Repeated misspelling of SCP to the point that the People's Coconut Society would be proud of him. Also, he asked for a bazooka as weapon."

"To quote Tse Kin, make him carry some standard MTF gear for five minutes and he will be begging for mercy. Are there any better ones? I mean, those who answered at least two GOI questions correctly?"

"Well, there is one from the Russian Branch. Wrote her race as Daeva. Maybe this one has some hope, what do you think?" Silvy inquired.

"Punch's shift, sorry." Taking the paper back, it glanced at the writing for a while, before smiling slyly. "I think this is a case of having some knowledge 'bout skips, but not enough brain to realize it is a bad idea."

"True. It is unlikely that a 14-year-old would be seriously interested in practicing cannibalism and blood sacrifice. For the race section…...I have some marvelous answers from fanbrats that deserve an individual pile. Just look at them."

The rustling of papers being flipped was the only sound in the room as forms were sorted by the GOI Ball's telekinesis, before it burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Toaster? Bees? And this…...little genius who wrote their name, race, appearance and gender all as [DATA EXPUNGED]?" It was almost rolling on the table surface by now, and barely managed to squeeze out the next sentence, "oh, oh my, I envy Punch. He got all the funny ones."

"Any brats you've seen with actual decent skills?" The silverfish looked at its laughing partner, and questioned.

"Uh, some kid named Nikki? For someone who only played the CB Game, she knew an okay amount of background knowledge. Though the Keter-skip list did look suspiciously like she copied it from somewhere." The Foundation ball made an unimpressed face.

"That's a strange phenomenon, but not too surprising, given that she was sent here for copy n' pasting SCP documents and songs straight into her story. The most unusual one?"

"A girl with the race of Type-Green Reality bender. And another girl who wants to have a foursome with skips, including…...uh, you know-"

Pausing, it used a pen to scribble on the back of a document, drawing a vaguely humanoid shape covered in pieces of black fabric, with ●●|●●●●●|●●|● written beneath it.

"I get it. I'll notify Tse Kin to deal with the Bixby." The silverfish moved its antennae, and sent several documents flying into their relative piles.

"Yeah, other than that, it's just regular birdie lusters, lizard-wankers, and statue-bangers, with a fair amount of bullshit shippers among them." Taking a deep breath, the GOI Ball did what was closest to a face-palm: falling face-down onto the table surface.

"Half of them violated Clinical Tone in a brutal gangbang of bad SCP articles, while the other half chopped up the remains of basic Foundation-verse setting and fed it to sharks. Needless to say, almost none read Guide Hub or know of its existence."

"Holy Mekhane," the silverfish lowered its head, "for a small fandom, the amount of bad writers is painstakingly high!"

"Yeah. That's kinda because the setting is so complex, and playing the game is easier than reading through pages of lore and articles, ya' know?" Rolling onto its back, the Foundation Ball sighed, and started sorting papers all over again.

"That's what we are here for. Only through pain, shall they learn and remember!" Raising its upper body, the silverfish struck a dramatic pose….or at least, as dramatic as an insect could manage.

"With the side effect of, I dunno, appreciating the beauty of the Foundation-verse?" The GOI Ball inquired.

"That's right."

* * *

The first thing Virginia felt was an uncomfortably hard bed beneath her. Her elbows and ankles jabbed uncomfortably against the thin plank, and after rolling around several times, she gave up trying to find a comfortable position.

Waves of headache assaulted her half-conscious mind. It certainly felt like what hangovers were supposed to be like; she never touched alcohol before due to strict boarding school rules, but fanfictions always described it as feeling absolutely shitty, akin to the pain of severe sleep deprivation.

Her forehead touched the cold concrete surface on the left. Opening one eye, she saw her sleeves; colored an ugly orange. Weird. She was sure that she did not have any orange pajamas…

She vaguely remembered that she had a shitty dream, in which she signed a contract with a star-shaped thing. Closing her eyes again as weariness washed over her fatigued mind, she tried to sink back into sleep. Maybe this was just another bad dream-within-a bad dream, and once she fell asleep and woke up, she would be in her real room-

A huge thud echoed through the space, followed by an ear-shattering "Ouch!".

"Uhhh…..."

Turning her head towards where the sound came from, Virginia groaned, squinting open her eyes. In front of her was one of those boot-camp style dorms, with double bunk beds, woefully simple. In fact, there was no pillows, no blankets, only sheets on a plank.

The person who made that noise just now was curling up on the ground, covering the side of her head. She was about Virginia's age; only with ridiculously long blond hair, and lips that looked like she had eaten a mouthful of bright-red food coloring.

"I told you the door was locked!" The pudgy, brown-haired girl in an orange jumpsuit, on the lower deck facing her, bellowed, before burying her face into the bed sheet.

"Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, they'll secretly let me out for a rendezvous with Gears!" Face still contorted in pain, the blond grinned, propping herself up with one hand.

Virginia jolted up from the bed as her exhausted brain finally made a connection between the jumpsuit and pieces of memories in that nightmare.

After taking a long, hard look at their clothes, and her own, and the cold, simplistic room, she awkwardly stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before blurting out her thoughts. "Are we…...uh, where I think we are?"

"OF COURSE, IDIOT!" Jumping up from the ground, the blond-haired girl began twirling around like a five-year-old. "We are like, in the Foundation! Like, the real Foundation! With FABULOUS GEARS AND CUTE HUGGABLE SCIPS-"

"Britney, I can understand that you ███ ████ ███████ at the moment, but some of us are trying to [REDACTED]!" A muffled, rather unhappy voice came from above her, and she stared in confusion. Just why was that person making censored noise in the middle of a sentence?

"Oh come on, Expunged Guy, Gal, whatever! You're just angry because you're single, and made of censor bars!"

Stepping off her bed, Virginia shivered as her bare feet touched the cold tile floor (they provided a pair of those sock-shoes things on the side, but she was in a hurry), and looked up at the person on top of her bunk bed.

She was unable to suppress her giggles, despite knowing it would be rude to laugh. They were…...literally made of [DATA EXPUNGED]! As in, real black censor bars and brackets that formed a humanoid shape! Seriously, what?

"[EXPLETIVE REDACTED], can't you just….." Making another bleeping noise, the figure facepalmed, hard.

"Oh, um, sorry." She muttered, feeling a little bad for poor censored-bar person did not answer, but made a half-groaning, half-grumbling noise. It must suck to not even be able to swear properly!

"That's it. I give up. I can't sleep anymore with all this chit-chat." The brown-haired girl huffed, and also stood up from the bed, pointing her fingers towards Virginia's direction. "Your name?"

"Virginia," she replied meekly, feeling rather awkward about the whole situation.

"Michelle here, that's Britney. We don't have much luck asking for that person's name, it kept getting censored and stuffs." the pudgy girl stated, pointing towards the other girl, then at the censored-bar figure.

"BRITNEY DIVA, Darling~!" Attempting to strike a pose, the blond girl tripped right on her hair, and ended up sprawling on the floor in a rather unimpressive manner.

"Ignore the idiots." Michelle commented, short and concise.

"I'm not-" The two teens simultaneously protested, and got interrupted by a sneer.

"Yeah. It's sooo smart to write your name and race and gender as [DATA EXPUNGED], isn't it, Expunged?"

Virginia frowned slightly. This girl sounded kind of mean, even if expunging their stats on a form was a pretty stupid move, and she hated assholes.

"I thought it was just a ███-"

 _"WAKE UP, SELACHIAN SYMPATHIZERS! WAKE UP! "_ A thunderous roar erupted outside followed by a series of banging on their doors, timely interrupting their roommate's retort.

 _"REPENT! ORIENTATION IN TWENTY MINUTES! GET THERE IN TIME, OR FACE THE MUSIC!"_

Many confused yells and questions followed from outside the corridor, presumably from other people unfortunate enough to be sent to this shitty place. Virginia covered her ears, but to no avail; the shouts seemed to have the power to penetrate concrete and steel, and relentlessly assault her eardrums.

After three final thumps on a door far away, the shouting finally stopped. Only a few seconds of silence ensued, before a tired, feminine voice blurted out of the intercom.

"Morning, all Class-D personnel attending the Summer Camp. Orientation starts in twenty minutes, at Office Complex E, End Room 16. Your dormitory doors will open in turns, and once you are outside, follow the security officers. Do not go off-routine."

* * *

They were lucky to be one of the first groups to leave. Virginia glanced around throughout the journey, with eyes wide. It was exactly like a CB game site, and gosh, even if this was supposed to be a dream, it sure looked real!

Well, they did pass a few more doors with password and fingerprint scanners, but that was it. Overall, the building style was just typical concrete-and-steel structure before they took a few turns, and entered the cafeteria and office areas.

There was no one inside the vast space, except for the security teams accompanying them, and all attempts to communicate with them failed. They were like some sort of robots that only took action when fellow D-Class-slash-students broke rules, forcefully dragging a guy back when he attempted to run off, and holding him by the arms through the rest of the walk.

Clocks on the wall showed that it was about four or five in the morning; she honestly could not tell, given that every sector they walked through was well-lit, and windowless. What surprised her was that there was one gym, with all kind of PE equipment inside, and also a sign pointing to some on-site shooting range.

On second thought, the real Foundation, not the one in the game, did look more complicated and…...well, real. Maybe this camp would be better than she expected?

They finally reached the End Room after fifteen minutes, which was the only room that replicated the CB game atmosphere perfectly, with its creepy red lighting and the massive blast door behind a makeshift podium. Virginia trembled uncomfortably; she honestly felt like something was watching them in the shadows.

More people soon arrived. The crowd was a bit larger than she envisioned, and there must have been at least one hundred students inside the room; an overwhelming majority of them were normal humans, with a few oddities like their roommate, Expunged, in between.

Virginia felt slightly jealous when she spotted an older teenage girl with horns on her head and crimson tattoos all over her body. Whatever canonical race that girl chose for herself, it was cool as heck! However, the rest who were shipped in on a cart…...were not that impressive.

At the moment, the talking lockers, and documents that wriggled around were all piled in a corner. None of them sounded happy about their current situation; the exact reason why so many people wrote lockers and documents as their race was beyond her.

Virginia caught a glimpse of something's silhouette in that crowd, and the next second, a voice was abruptly inserted into her mind.

 _ **Description:** SCP-1234-J is an SCP object that displays anomalous properties. Its properties appear to defy commonly understood principles of science; further research is being performed into how it achieves this..._

Virginia shook her head, trying to make the message go away, but to no avail. Only after the full document was finished being read in an obnoxious monotone did the voice stop.

Several people nearby started to read the words to themselves, which only added to the annoyance. She heard a thud, somewhere in the crowd, followed by Britney's whiny curses, and someone's brief apology. Her hair must have gotten stepped on again-

Suddenly, the light went out.

Virginia felt herself being shoved to the ground as people around them ran like headless chickens inside the pitch-dark room, and in a panic, she grabbed onto someone's arm. Unfortunately, they quickly broke free of her grasp, and she fell right on top of another person.

Light was switched on again at the exact moment, in the center of the stage; in the weak glow, she climbed up, and glanced towards the direction, muttering a short "sorry" to the poor person she fell on.

"Welcome to the OFSCP, our newly constructed collective, sponsored by Oneiroi Collective!"

A…...silver, insect-like thing slowly descended onto the podium. It looked more cartoonish than real, and certainly much larger that any actual insects.

"Without their help, and by that, I mean _striking a deal and sacrificing lives to those fucking tricksters_ , it would be impossible to transform y'all into Corporeals, and make it last for three months. Anyway, I'm Silvy, Silvy the Silverfish!"

"Is that an Undertale reference?" Michelle mumbled, standing right next to her, and she shrugged in return.

Well, looked like one of her roommates shared some interests with her, after all. Still, did that mean this silverfish thing would be as sadistic as a certain golden flower?

"I will be your Course-Coordinator for the next three months. You must have a lot of questions, especially those of you brought here by a certain muscular guy, so let me answer them all, in turns!" The silverfish exclaimed, dramatically, and pointed one of its legs towards the crowd.

"First, the Sentient Lockers and Documents Team. Questions?"

Multiple lockers started shaking with…..well, some pretty intense emotions, and the loudest locker, who lunged itself at a guard two minutes ago, and had been wailing on the ground until this moment, shouted, "I WROTE MY RACE AS S! C! P!"

"Yeah, why would we be lockers and documents?" The wriggling documents chorused, "change us back!"

"I said that I have neon-purple hair and laser powers! None of that is close to a friggin' locker!" Another locker whined. Well…...it was indeed neon purple. At least the upper half was painted in that color.

"Alright. What does SCP stand for, fanbrats?" Completely unfazed, the silverfish shouted back, igniting another multitude of screeches, the most common answer being "Secure, Contain, Protect".

"Well, at least ¾ of you answered wrongly, because that's the goddamn motto. It is Special Containment Procedures, and in universe, it is WAYS TO CONTAIN AN ANOMALY." It coughed, and continued.

"And what's on a document? Ways to contain an anomaly. What's the first choice when it comes to containing inanimate, Safe-class objects? Lockers. Some of you lucky guys got a generic SCP description from a J-article!"

Virginia could swear that the waves of desperate screams, cries and disappointed sighs were music to that insect's ears, or whatever appropriate auditory organs. It did wave its antennae a little too cheerfully at their misfortune, after all.

"Next, all the brats who think it is funny to screw with their races. Those without a hand to write, come to me after the Orientation. The rest? Too bad, you have to remain what you are now."

"BUT WHY?" Expunged let out a heart-wrenching screech. It seemed like their words were too few to be censored, this time.

"Because it is the motto of all Official Fanfiction Institutes. Learn through suffering, and live with the consequences of your own crappy writing. At least you won't abuse [DATA EXPUNGED] in your future writings now, right?" The silverfish answered, and Virginia frowned with indignance.

Her stories were not the best, that was for sure, but why did they have to be such assholes over it, making people depressed simply because they were picky with writing standards? In fact, all critics were just tearing stories apart to make themselves feel better!

"Third, on whether will you see the SCPs. Depending on your curriculum, maybe, but as of now, no. All containment wings are strictly off-limits to you, and the keycard we issued to each of you would only open doors on the route to your respective classrooms."

Another collective sigh of disappointment echoed through the crowd. Virginia was not excluded, but the slimmest hope of meeting her favorite SCP, even in a super-real dream, made her feel a little better.

"Fourth, you are in a dream. Doesn't feel like it, with all your senses intact, right? That means, if you get injured here, it will hurt every bit as much as the real thing, maybe worse. So do us a favor, and stay out of trouble."

The silverfish leaped into the air, and all light went out again. Only that this time, Virginia could see everyone, outlined by a glittering green hue-

"And Fifth! Say hello to our three faculty managers! Captain Pugilism, Tse Kin, and a certain GOI Ball who is not here today!"

The green lights exploded into countless falling stars, and the room was suddenly illuminated with a bright white light. Standing on the podium was a tall man in a diving suit, and a relatively petite Asian woman. The guy looked insanely muscular, with a square-shaped, weather-hardened face under his scuba goggles. For some reason, he was wearing huge, red boxing gloves.

Was this guy some kind of, well, underwater boxing athlete? Did such a sport even exist? Maybe in the real-Foundation-world, Virginia thought.

"Punch," the woman muttered, "you should introduce yourself first." Upon receiving no responses, she added, "the specimen is ready."

Coughing, the man walked to the microphone, tapping it for a few time, before starting to speak with the familiar, ear-shattering volume.

"I AM CAPTAIN PUGILISM. I AM AN AGENT OF THE CENTRE AND I STILL AM AFTER DEATH, BECAUSE I ENGAGE IN SELACHIAN PUGILISM! IN THE FIRST ORIENTATION THEY SAID THAT I WILL DREAM OF PUNCHING SELACHIAN ENTITIES, AND AFTER I WAS CONSUMED BY A SELACHIAN ENTITY, I LIVE IN DREAMS TO PUNCH THEM!"

"Translation: He is an agent of the SPC, Shark Punching Centre." The woman named Tse Kin said, with a somewhat bored expression, "and he punches sharks."

"I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE FORCE BEHIND SPC-001 AND INFEST THE REALITY WITH SELACHIAN ENTITIES. EVERY TIME YOU MISSPELL, ONE MORE DEVIANT-TYPE SELACHIAN ENTITY IS CREATED!"

Pounding his fist on the podium with a resounding thud, the man glared around the room, and Virginia stepped back, feeling a rather menacing aura from that guy. Still…...what was a Selachian? And why were some people giggling like idiots at the mention of that SPC thing?

"AND NO MATTER HOW ADVANCED OUR SELACHIAN PUGILISM TECHNIQUES ARE, YOU WILL ALWAYS CREATE MORE, AND IT IS MY DUTY TO PUNCH YOU, IF YOU ARE WITH THE SELACHIAN ENTITIES!"

"Ah, Captain Punch mentioned a very, very important thing. The SPC." Silvy the insect cut in, and chirped in a cheerful tone, "how many of you have misspelled SCP as SPC before? A lot, I believe, and now, even misspelling item numbers can create a Mini. A Mini-Shark."

"MINI DEVIANT-TYPE SELACHIAN ENTITIES ARE NO BETTER THAN REAL SELACHIAN ENTITIES CREATED BY YOUR MISSPELLING. THEY ARE VERY REAL IN OUR WORLD, AND AGENTS OF THE CENTRE HAVE TO USE ALL AVAILABLE SELACHIAN PUGILISM TECHNIQUES TO BATTLE THEM. BRING FORTH THE MINI SELACHIAN ENTITY!"

His bellow of rage reached an deafening volume, and multiple students in the front row covered up their ears in significant distress. To Virginia, it would be a wonder if anyone in close proximity still had their hearing intact after this talk.

"Basically, when you misspell SCP as SPC, a very real anomalous shark is created in the SPC Universe, created by repeated misspelling of SCP. And if you misspell SCP item numbers, you create Mini-sharks, like this one here." The woman knelt down, and picked up a transparent glass case.

Inside was a concrete shark, with the all-too-familiar patterns of red, black and green on its forehead. It was like 173…...only turned into a little shark? Virginia narrowed her eyes, and watched the case. This thing was kind of cute, to be honest.

"Poor thing. When someone misspelled 173 as 172, it appeared. Do your job, Punch." The silverfish muttered, with a rather unsettling undertone.

"WITH PLEASURE!" Yelling, he threw the lid of the case to one side, grabbed the Mini-shark with his left hand, and punched it right in the rear.

It sailed through the air with a sharp sound, like a shark-shaped missile; students on its path scurried away, not wishing to be its first target, but some were too slow. After hitting one unfortunate victim in the head, it plunged right into the concrete wall, embedding the upper half of its body into the material from the sheer impact.

For a couple of minutes, Virginia just stared at the cracked wall with a concrete shark tail sticking out of it, and the unconscious guy with blood oozing out of his forehead without a word. She gulped when she realized that she might have misspelled SCP as SPC a few times, too.

But it was not her fault, since they just looked so similar…...or was it?

"I SEE THAT I HAVE MADE ONE ADDITIONAL PUNCH ON A SELACHIAN SYMPATHIZER AND A PART OF SPC-001. IF YOU CREATE SELACHIAN ENTITIES THROUGH MISSPELLING, YOU ARE GOING TO BE PUNCHED JUST LIKE ANY SELACHIAN ENTITIES! DO! YOU! COPY?"

Captain Punch yelled, threateningly towering above the students. Needless to say, they answered with a shaking "Yessir", in unison.

Satisfied, he stepped back, signalling the woman in lab coat to come forward. She adjusted her silver-framed glasses; this woman just seemed really bored and uninterested in everything. At least, that was Virginia's first impression of her.

"So, I'm Tse Kin. A Level-2 Research personnel from Foundation CN, specialized in the study of visual memetic and cognitohazard. I died in an accident, because a Safe-Class Anart object manifested unforeseen effects. I'll be teaching lessons. Thank you."

Passing down a stack of papers to the first row, she just walked away from the podium, and left the room. Virginia was at a loss for words; this was the most….abrupt self introduction she ever encountered.

The papers soon passed into their hands, consisting of two sheets stapled together; a site-map, and a course time table; a Level-1 keycard was also clipped onto the sheets.

 _ **-Student Name: Virginia Johnson**_

 _ **-Crime(s) against the SCP Universe: Self Insertion, Mary Sue Creation, OOC(SCP-049) Characterization, Spelling and Grammar mistakes, Violation of basic Foundation-verse settings**_

 _ **-Dormitory Number: 504**_

 _..._

 _About the SCP Foundation: Basic Operation Mechanics_

Silvy, Tse Kin

Meeting Room 16

...

 _Foundation Writing 101: Articles, Tales, Clinical Tone_

Tse Kin, Foundation Ball #001

Office Complex B2F

...

 _Groups of Interest 101: Foundation is not the only group after the anomalies_

SCPersonificator, 15+ GOI Balls

Storage Complex D, Unit 5

...

 _OC Creation: Kill Pretty Humanoid Keter-Class Mary Sues with Fire!_

Tse Kin, 5+ GOI Balls

Meeting Room 23

...

 _Science, Research, and Realism: How to not fail at it_

Silvy, Tse Kin

Head Office A

...

 _Fandom Stuffs: How to have fun while not shitting all over basic decency_

SCPersonificator, Captain Pugilism

Common Room 04

...

 _Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation_

Tse Kin, Captain Pugilism

Storage Complex E, Unit 16

...

Meal times: 6.00-6.45, 12.30-13.15, 18.15-19.00

 **Important Notice:**

 **1\. When Breach Alarm sounds, act according to instructions from intercom.**

 **2\. If no broadcast comes within 5 minutes, evacuate to nearest Emergency Shelter.**

 **3\. Proceed to Medical Bay according to signs when injured.**

 **4\. Two evacuation drills will be conducted each month.**

* * *

"What does it mean by Violation of Clinical Tone? I read all the Series 1 articles!" Michelle exclaimed, attempting to take a glimpse at Virginia's timetable as they walked towards the cafeteria.

"Heh, better than me. I'm one of those people you probably laugh at because I only watch Let's Plays of the game." She retorted. That area listing all her "crimes" really infuriated her; how could they be so cruel when she did not even know that a writing wiki existed behind the game?

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it." The short girl looked kind of wounded by her words, and took a step back, "it just sucks when they point out mistakes right to my face."

Virginia felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. She turned back to Michelle. "Yeah, I know. Sorry about that, I'm just pretty fed up about this whole camp thing…...basically a bunch of judgemental assholes thinking they are helping us by hating on our stories."

"I don't agree with that. Knowing your mistakes is always good."

"Not when you are too upset to care." Virginia sighed, and opened the door with her keycard, "hurting people's feelings never helps, you know?"

"That's true for some, I guess." Michelle narrowed her eyes and lowered her head, seemly lost in thought, before replying, "but-"

Her words were interrupted half-way by an excited screech, followed by a certain fangirl holding her hair up in the air with both hands, probably because she knew the pain of long-ass hair after tripping on it four times in a row.

"Oh my god, that's so true! Like, my tsundere little Gears is totally mine, and whatever technobabble wiki shit that said otherwise CAN DIE A TANTALIZING DEATH!"

"You don't know what that word means." Michelle frowned, clearly not satisfied with the presence of their batshit crazy roommate.

"It sounds terrible, so it totally means terrible!" Pouting, Britney turned away, and disappeared into the next corridor.

After ten seconds of awkward silence, "that's very convincing." Michelle said, the corner of her mouth twitching in disbelief.

"Yeah." Virginia giggled. Together, they continued their walk towards the cafeteria for breakfast.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Selachians are, well, sharks. The sophisticated science jargon used in SPC formats. Yes, there is serious writing about the Shark Punching Centre, a universe created by repeated misspelling, on the wiki. You should check them out; those two articles are pretty interesting.**

 **Reference 1: People's Coconut Society came from the tale, "It's Not Spelled Like That!".**

 **Worldbuilding stuff: In this dream-scape the teaching staff constructed, they can temporarily create a replica of a SCP object or personnel when needed, but not for long. To transfer about 200 human consciousnesses into Corporeal Oneiroid, they bought the service of Oneiroi Collective, and the Collective always tricks you into giving more than you should…...**

 **But that is a story for the later chapters.**


	3. Chapter 3: Gotta have Cereals n' Lessons

_-Just asking, what's the Foundation to y'all?_

 _-ANOTHER MAJOR FORCE BEHIND SPC-001._

 _-That is a difficult question, since I originated from a multi-universe that spawned from the organization I worked for. If you are just talking about Foundation, as an organization; it is similar to any other high-risk career for me._

 _-An obscure world that I'm hopelessly obsessed with._

* * *

They really had some bizarre breakfast food here, in the cafeteria.

Virginia swallowed a spoonful of cereal, eyeing the box of Kellogg's® new Foundation Flakes™. It came with this really strange maze game about a 682-looking lizard walking through…...Alagadda City inside the package, which she had never heard of before.

It was just like other paper maze games, made for little kids; only that she could manipulate that lizard drawing with her fingers, like an IPad touchscreen, and there were multiple moving 2D-figures on the paper.

Her roommates, and a few other students joined her in playing it, taking turns when the person before them failed; this game certainly seemed more difficult than its childish art style. For one, that moving cartoon drawing of a guy in red and black robes managed to snatch away all the cereals faster than them, every single time.

What's more, a mummy-looking thing on a throne, and a guy in corsets and boots often teleported them right back to the starting point, once they reached the center of the maze. It was fun at first, but became increasingly frustrating until everyone realized it was impossible to win.

At least the cereal was good, really good, just like how they advertised on the package.

Virginia was wondering what the Mint Chocolate and Super Coco Pow flavors would taste like when yells erupted on the far side of the cafeteria, again.

"Bee guy? What's this supposed to be?"

"Eww! DISGUSTING BUGS! GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Virginia heard Britney's shrilling screeches from that direction.

"I'm sorry, for some reason, they just all want to commit suicide in your milk, and it is out of my control!"

The voice was coming from another vaguely humanoid shape….make of swarming, buzzing bees. Multiple students scattered away from that table, not particularly fond of insects in their food.

"What if the milk are bees?" The Russian girl with horns and tattoos, Darya, snickered.

Virginia talked with her for a few minutes before, during the maze game session, and learned that her race was this…...Daeva thing? "A badass, video-game-ish civilization trapped in a book", as described by her.

"Darya, you aren't helping! It's stupid to make that joke about my form!" The buzzing amplified as the person threw up their hands in the air, exasperated.

"And y' ain't helping by getting more bees into my drink, either." Another girl with a thin, angular face lifted her coffee cup into the air, covering it with both palms.

She would look rather nice, if her hair color was not so blindingly ugly. For a lack of better words, it was akin to a pile of improperly-mixed 173 shit with pink paint sprayed on the top.

"Fine, fine! I'll just take my bowl outside!" The person stormed off, slamming their keycard onto the pad with a hand made of bees. The buzzing swarm soon disappeared into the corridor, and everyone nearby heaved a sigh of relief.

"Isn't it weird that only my cereals came with strawberry sauce, and taste a little _meaty_?" Virginia overheard Darya asking other students on her table, but with no responses; presumably because everyone was too busy trying to get dead bees out of their food and drink.

* * *

Her first lessons started at seven, and Virginia, upon discovering that Meeting Room 16 was all the way in another sector, had to run like a mad dog just to reach class on time.

Britney was the only person in her room who attended this lesson at the same time as her, and she arrived five minutes after the lesson started, which resulted in a detention on her first day. Given her clumsy nature and all the pain brought by her long-ass hair, it was not surprising.

"Raise your hand when answering a question. Don't interrupt when anyone is talking, and verbally or physically attacking us is punishable-" Tse Kin, that weird scientist woman, paused and looked away from her scripts, towards the silverfish floating in front of the whiteboard.

"-by death! You will be fed to our resident Nalka Balls!" The silverfish continued, laughing like its words were actually funny. "Actually, no. It is just two weeks of cleaning duty in the cells of Euclid objects, or the GOI Ball Aquarium. Let's start the lesson, shall we?"

Tse Kin picked up a pen, and started writing on the board.

 _What is the SCP Foundation?_

Virginia glanced at the letter, and tilted her head. It was this site that contained all kind of supernatural stuffs, right? That was all the impression she got from the game.

"OH I KNOW, I KNOW!" Britney stood up, squealing, "It is a place where you can hug cute little Scips, except for those butt-ugly Keters, and I get together with my FABULOUS DR. GEARS!"

Michelle, who was sitting right next to Britney, squirmed uncomfortably as everyone's sight was attracted to the blond-haired fangirl. In fact, it almost seemed like she was going to combust out of sheer embarrassment.

"No. You get thirty more minutes of detention for speaking without permissions." The woman stated, dryly. "Anyone else?"

Britney rolled her eyes in annoyance, and slumped back onto her chair. Then, one of the two lockers rose the cardboard hand glued to its side. Upon receiving a nod from Tse Kin, it started talking.

"It is a writing website that the game is based on, I guess?" Shaking slightly, it added, "about a group that contains supernatural stuff."

"That's the simplest way to put it!" The silverfish cheered, wriggling its body around, "but there is so much more."

"Secure, Contain, Protect. Most of you have heard this motto before. In universe, the Foundation _secures_ anomalous entities in the world, _contains_ them in a controlled environment to limit their influences while studying their effects, and by doing so, _protects_ humanity from the anomalous until their nature can be fully understood."

Tse Kin passed a stack of paper down the front row. Virginia only saw the title, _About the SCP Foundation,_ before Silvy the insect spoke again.

"What does this mean for fanbrats? A) Foundation's existence is not, and should never be exposed to the public, B) You can't let anomalies out just because they are nice, or will kill you if you don't do what they want. Any objections?"

"That's mean! Like, the Foundation can save 'emselves from trouble by being nice to skippers, right?" The girl with 173-shit colored hair rose her hand, and exclaimed upon being permitted to answer.

"Well, that's true, but even if they are being nice out of pragmatic concerns, there's still a limit! Giving some books to a Safe-Class humanoid anomaly to reward it for _cooperating and staying in containment?_ Yes. Letting it walk free in the site like it is a hotel? No." Chuckling, the silverfish continued.

"They're only being nice because _such actions can make containment easier,_ and once a dangerous object starts demanding everyone to be its bitch, just so it won't breach containment or go on a rampage, sorry. It will be smacked down as ruthlessly and quickly as possible , because _you don't protect humanity by having sloppy security procedures, and babying anomalies that take a dump directly over the fabric of reality!_ "

Virginia's heart sank. That meant that SCPs would not even be let out of their cell, and damn, one important chapter in her story was about her character and 049 going to an amusement park and confessing their deepest feelings!

But who cared, anyway? The real Foundation seemed like a bunch of assholes, and she would just destroy them in a huge breach, since in the game, Foundation only had one site, right?

"Basically, all entities in containment are viewed as items. Items that need to be kept in decent condition. They are never seen as humans, or beings capable of free will. Treat them as so in your documents and stories." Tse Kin added.

"Oh, and I missed a point! Foundation is a global-wide organization, or at least, this is the most commonly accepted setting regarding SCP Universe. It definitely does not consist of one site." As if intentionally crushing her hope, Silvy the annoying insect chirped in, again.

"In CB game's Gate B ending, it is not even a major site that got blown up, if you read the game's wiki. This _I destroyed a site so the Foundation is doomed_ myth is unfortunately common in stories from fanbrats who only played CB game, and now, IT IS DEBUNKED!"

Damn.

"So, the above portrayal of Foundation as gentle nannies who let out anomalies at will, and give them excessive resources and access to other SCP objects, just because they don't want to make any anomalies upset….I call, _The Anomaly Hotel Foundation!_ "

Using some sorts of telekinesis to hold up a marker, Silvy wrote down the three words in fancy cursive letters on the board, and turned towards the students.

"And the point is; _DON'T EVER WRITE IT AGAIN._ " Emphasizing the last sentence, it struck out the words with a big cross, and continued, "unless you are making fun of it."

"I know I'm right. These Foundation guys are a bunch of sadistic jackasses." One of those documents, on top of the locker, mumbled. Virginia wholeheartedly agreed with them. She never knew that the real Foundation was made of assholes, which she hated the most!

"No. I have never met such a person in my career." Tse Kin, who had stayed silent throughout that silverfish's talk, cut in.

"Ah, that's right. What's opposite of _The Anomaly Hotel Foundation,_ fanbrats, is just as bad, if not worse than its evil twin. I dub thee, _The Senselessly EVUL Foundation!_ "

Switching to a red marker, it wrote down the words on the board, and drew a little skull with Foundation symbol besides it.

"This, fanbrats, is when Foundation personnels become a bunch of sadists torturing suffering little anomalies and wasting D-Class like tissue paper, just because they can. It does not matter how many resources they waste on it. No, they aren't even trying to understand its mechanisms or conduct experiments like real scientists at all." Silvy threw the marker down, with a frustrated sigh, and continued.

"What's their priority, then? Torturing poor SCPs, so someone can _care about their feelings,_ go through a hurt/comfort session to bang the anomaly, and eventually _ESCAPE INTO THE SUNLIGHT_ together, with the ruins of _EVUL Foundation_ blowing up in the background!"

"But it is dramatic! And good story needs to be dramatic!" Three documents whined together, clearly dissatisfied. Hard not to when all their angsty stories were ruined, Virginia thought.

"Good stories need to feel like they can realistically happen in that universe." The Asian woman commented, "and what you wrote is far from realistic."

"That's right, fanbrats. Mind to tell them how experiments really go, in the site you worked for?" With a sneaky tone, the insect suggested.

"First, you write a proposal. It needs to include background information on your question concerning a certain topic, your hypothesis, and procedures for testing. We usually do it in a team."

Frowning, Virginia leaned closer towards the speaking woman. It sounded just like one of those 9th-Grade science powerpoints she saw in school, but could not remember due to it being totally boring…...and the real Foundation must have sucked, if it was anything like science lessons!

"Then you submit the material list and the estimated budget to the senior researcher leading your team. And you wait. Only around 20% of proposals are approved, according to statistics in our site."

"Don't forget, the more intelligent or dangerous the skip is, the more paperwork you need to submit, and it will take a really long time! Isn't that right, Tse Kin?" Spinning around in the air, the silverfish questioned.

"Yes." She nodded. "Experiments on sentient and sapient objects need approval from the Ethics Committee. Cross-testing requires collaboration between the respective research teams for the SCPs involved, and approval from multiple senior researchers."

"What this means is, you don't just decide to conduct experiments without a point to prove! Torturing SCPs only for sadistic pleasure? That's pointless waste of resources, not to mention that it is one sure way to turn something hostile."

"We only harm an object when there are no known alternatives, and it is **Absolutely Necessary.** " Tse Kin added, emphasizing the last two words, "even so, there will usually be medication or amnestics provided afterwards."

"Foundation-verse functions in a way similar to the real world. Only anomalies can breach real-world rules. That is to say, if real-world scientists won't torture a valuable, one-of-a-kind specimen, or feed living lab rats to animals just because _it is fun,_ you better not let any Foundation scientists do that in your stories!"

Virginia pouted. Who cared about how the real-world worked, anyway? The world she lived in SUCKED, and there was no protective, charming plague doctor with deadly touches to love her. People just had to ruin their fantasies, their last refuge in a hopeless, dark reality!

"In conclusion, Foundation personnel are neither nannies and hotel managers for anomalies, nor sadistic psychopaths hell-bent on making SCPs miserable." Taking another marker, Silvy tapped a few times on the board, and crossed out the other phrase, too.

"The Foundation itself is a morally-grey organization….like Lawful Neutral in the alignment system, if you know what I'm saying. A group of people trying to maintain normalcy in a world where reality is constantly being gang-banged by anomalies, and have to commit many _less-than-charming acts_ to avoid worse consequences."

"For us, the daily Foundation workers, we are just people. People with a highly-secretive job, but still very much human," the stoic face of the female researcher seemed to soften as she spoke. "And sometimes, circumstances demand us to do questionable things. To choose the path with least damage."

"WHO CARES? I just want some sexy love between the lizard and the statue!" A girl with tan skin and messy black hair yelled, at the least appropriate moment. Britney started to chant "Gears, Gears, Gears" under her breaths, and Virginia noticed a few students nodding in agreement.

Silvy the insect twitched; it almost looked like that silverfish wanted to grow a hand, and smear that girl onto the whiteboard at this moment.

"Ah, Lucianna, who is hell-bent on pairing 682 with everything that moves. The truth is, _there are people who could care less about two entities screwing each other like rabbits,_ and that isn't even good porn."

The girl lowered her head with a sniffing sound, as if she was about to cry, and Virginia felt a burning heat on her cheeks. How could they shame people in public like that?

She raised her hand, and could hardly suppress the anger in her voice upon being permitted to speak.

"Excuse me, but why can't we just have fun? Who cares if our writing are not perfect English essays? You are just shaming people who work really hard on their stories, and whether a story is good or bad is based on opinions, not facts!" She clutched her fist tightly, barely managing to stop herself from hitting the table.

"Sorry! It is pretty hard for me to see a work with multiple mistakes that can be picked up by simple spell-check software as _having effort put into it."_ The insect mocked, with a wave of its legs, and if it had a face, it would probably be making a smug grin.

"Oh, and if writing quality is based only on opinions, why are some SCP articles considered good, with thousands of upvotes, while some get downvoted into deletion after two days? The collective opinion decides whether a work is good or not, and most good SCP articles you read are the result of authors who _bothered to know the universe well enough,_ add their creative twists to the setting, and _listen to feedback_."

As if it had not humiliated her enough, it ranted even further, ignoring Virginia's furious glare.

"Take SCP-049, your lust object. Do you know what the initial document was like? Plague doctor creating exploding zombies. The author scrapped the idea, after being pointed out that it was idiotic. If all the wiki members showered the article with praise because _oh gosh this author is a precious cinnamon muffin, how can they hurt his feelings by pointing out an idea that does not work,_ it would never improve."

"B-But you don't have to be mean! No one will listen if you hate on them and hurt their feelings!" Virginia retorted. For fuck's sake, she had only read 049's document one time, when she copied and pasted it into her story, and how was she supposed to know its history? She barely knew the existence of Foundation wiki!

"Again, sorry! A critic's duty is to point out mistakes and offer ways to improve; it is their choice whether to sugarcoat the truth or not. And most of the time, it is the story that people are pissed off at, not you as a person, unless you are being a snob."

From nowhere, it picked up a phone, and started looking at the screen.

"Well, you don't seem to receive criticism well in your previous Creepypasta writings, huh? Take this person, S33R -something, who bothered to point out exactly what went wrong with the characterizations, offer alternate suggestions, and never made any personal insults."

Virginia visibly paled upon hearing the silverfish's words. Did they actually look through her previous writing accounts? That was absolutely despicable!

"Your response? _It is obvious that you have no idea what you are talking about, and I will appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms instead of assholes like you tearing a story apart just because it does not fit your version of canon!_ " It paused, and glared back at several giggling students, "and I know half of you give these kinds of responses to _sensible_ critics, too."

"I don't care whether my writing is good. I just wanna make some cute bullshit people like." the 173-shit hair girl grumbled, within earshot, and Silvy immediately turned to her direction.

"Then maybe you should care about whether you manage to convey the feelings you intended through these writings. I saw your angsty love story between humanized 079 and 682, and instead of feeling even remotely upset, I laughed. _It violates the most basic Foundation setting with a ten-foot pole_ , and turned all the heart-wrenching sadness you want readers to feel into an absurd, laughable comedy."

Virginia sat down, gritting her teeth. It was impossible, right? Only assholes like that annoying insect would find a sad love story, such as hers, funny! And she was just defending…...defending her work in that review…...

"SCP Universe does not have a fixed canon, so yes, how can I even judge the quality of your work without something to compare to? Well, it does have things that stay constant. _Realism. Logic. Plausibility_. If you manage to convince your readers that a story can reasonably take place inside the most commonly-accepted basic setting, laid down by tales in the Information section on Foundation wiki, then it is _canonical_ , in a sense."

While the silverfish was talking, Tse Kin took out another stack of papers from under the table, and passed it down to everyone. Each student received four sheets, stapled together, but Virginia was too distressed to pay any attention to them.

"There are plenty of spaces for personal interpretations; some may believe that Foundation only has dozens of sites, while some estimate the number of facilities to be in the hundreds. None of that is wrong, if they can give convincing arguments to support their opinions, but when _Foundation only has one site_ , it steps right into implausible territory."

"So, what's that boundary between _personal interpretations_ , and _ignorant fanbrat bullshit_? Research. You can add your own twists to this universe, but the rule of thumb for all fanfictions still applies; you have to know the original setting well enough first." Silvy turned to Tse Kin, as if expecting her to say something.

"And now is the time to start learning. The readings given to you are _About the SCP Foundation, Security Clearance Levels, Object Classes, Secure Facilities Location, and Task Forces._ You are required to finish reading those materials before the quiz, which will happen in two days…."

Never in her life had Virginia felt such a strong urge to kill herself, presumably by banging her head against the table hard enough.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Tse Kin's statement about research procedures inside Foundation is my personal headcanon. There aren't much tales that depict how experiments and cross-testings are approved in Foundation, but what she talked about has basis in the real-world science community's research methods.**

 **I used an article as reference, by Andrew R Zimmerman, a science professor in the University of Florida; since I can't upload links to PDF documents for some reason, you can Google "How science is really done". The result is on the first page.**

 **Reference: The cereal and maze game that came with it are SCP-3000-J, a relatively new Joke SCP. Again, there is no actual description of the maze game, so I wrote it according to personal headcanons again.**

 **Similarly, the Hang King and Ambassador are never mentioned in the 3000-J article, but hey, it is Alagadda City! Won't be so implausible for its signature characters to appear in a maze game based on 2264, right?**


End file.
